Do you take this Fool…Part II

After committing to memory the details of Belle’s big day, I began wondering what other ideas I could come up with for a theme wedding. The league leader in this exercise turned out to be a ceremony inspired by the 1983-1987 NBC television show The A-Team and I would like to share some of my brilliant ideas on this subject (if this were a party you need to picture Beth at my right shoulder slowing shaking her head):

• - As the bride walks down the aisle, there is a perfect segue after the second line of “Here Comes the Bride” into the A-Team theme song
• - In honor of B.A. Baracus, played by Mr. T, the celebrant needs to ask each member of the couple, “Do you take this fool to be your lawfully wedded wife/husband.”
• - The priest needs to conclude the ceremony by lighting up a cigar before he utters the phrase “I love it when a plan comes together” just as Hannibal Smith used to conclude each show
• - Instead of a limousine, the couple will leave in a black van featuring a red stripe along the side. I will make the rocket launcher optional based on the crowd
• - The reception needs to feature a guest appearance by Hulk Hogan hitting someone with a chair

These are some of my favorite ideas, but there other possibilities include drugging the groom so he falls asleep for the honeymoon flight, numerous costume changes, a mental institution escape, and a role for a Texas Tycoon looking to throw a family of six out on the street so he can build a mini mall.

Please feel free to share your theme wedding ideas in our comments section.

Do you take this Fool…Part I

Bethany and I have been spending our days in starter mode by setting a budget, scouring reception halls, and playing the match game with churches hoping to settle on a date. Throughout this process, I began thinking of all the stories of wedding lore and one clearly rises above the rest to serve as the worst (or best) event I am aware of. This experience comes courtesy of my good friend and coworker Mary who attended a Beauty and the Beast themed wedding a few years ago. Oh yes my friends, this story is as bad as it sounds and to be honest it really is hard to decide which of the following details is the worst:

• - The wedding party was forced to learn and engage in a dance routine to Be Our Guest
• - The bride wore a dress modeled after Belle’s and family members were given costumes of Chip the tea cup, Lumiere the candelabra, and Cogsworth the clock
• - Fliers were hung up at a grocery store encouraging anyone to attend. I can neither confirm or deny if Gunther Gabel-Williams performed unbelievable stunts with the most dangerous cats on the planet
• - When it was the groom’s turn to dance with his mother, the bride insisted on doing a slow interpretive dance routine around them which
• - Led everyone, but members of her family to bolt after dinner had been completed

Sadly, this Disney fantasy did not last as a hunter mistook the bride for Bambi’s mom and well, do I really need to continue? Truthfully, I believe they divorced a year or two later, she’s doing better than ever after a successful diet, and then made out with that southern guy from Yes, Dear at the 2004 Sundance Film Festival.

Stay tuned for our next episode when we begin to explore the wedding theme possibilities, but first we need to pay some bills with a message from Happy Fun Ball



http://snltranscripts.jt.org/90/90mhappyfunball.phtml

Mission One: Barnes and Nobled

After wading through the initial excitement of getting engaged, we very quickly realized part of the matrimony package requires us to actually do research and contact vendors to coordinate the event or the wedding might not happen until the Red Sox win the World Series Andy Dick wins an Oscar.

Therefore, after lunch with B’s parents the Monday after I delivered the ice, we headed to the Barnes And Noble in Quincy, MA to officially kick off the preparation festivities. Now I have been in a bookstore on numerous occasions and I 100% absolutely, positively had no clue the wedding section existed. I do not understand how I missed it all these years on my way to pick up the latest Left Behind novel and I have deduced the engagement ring has CapnCrunch decoder ring qualities allowing us to locate this area. Therefore, I plan on taking the ring and throwing it into the depths of Mordor. At this point every guy is laughing their ass off while all the ladies have no idea what I am talking about and if they did, would be surprised I ever knew the touch of a woman. Beth and her mom knew all about this area, however, and began perusing through the books that could be useful to us. Meanwhile, her dad and I started looking at these crappy gag gifts like The BBQ Wedding and How to Have a Second Wedding as we pretended to entertain ourselves. After ten minutes, something clicked in both of our heads that the professionals should be allowed to cultivate in the Secret Garden of this bookstore so he went one way and I wandered off to check out the latest Archie comics and David McCullough novels.

The ladies ended up doing a fantastic job selecting some magazines and books to give us a good head start and after a first weekend delay to attend Beth’s five-year college reunion things are starting to come together. Stay tuned for our next report which will be Bethany's debut! How's that for pressure sweetie

First Dance

As most of you know, Bethany and I were betrothed to be married on Sunday May 29, 2005. This is obviously an exciting time for us and we would like to thank all of our family and friends for celebrating with us over the phone or in person. In some way, everyone has been a part of our relationship whether it’s growing up with us, living with us, meeting us out on weekends, or welcoming us for a visit. Thank you again for being there and we look forward to continuing our friendship.

Now, it’s time for that ever exciting Royal Rumble of a wedding process where we unite our two families by making forty decisions a week over the next year in preparation for the big day. We have decided to keep a blog to track our adventures in preparation of weddingdom as well as posting some of our quirky thoughts on this crazy world. Will it last more than this post? Maybe, maybe not, but check in and find out.

D