The day after the initial snow of the season Bethany and I decided to trek out to the ol Home Depot to buy our first Christmas tree together. There’s a large amount of pressure for this project because you only get one first tree and if it’s a Charlie Brown piece of garbage that’s all we’ll remember for the rest of our lives. We arrived at the outdoor lot bundled up in our hats and mittens to find a good amount of prospective clients for our bay window. The problem turned out to be that Le Depot pre-wraps all their firs so you can only really judge height and a bunch of smushed up branches. We solved this dilemma by holding up seven or eight tree before realizing we had no idea if any of them had good form and selected one about seven feet tall.
After paying for our new friend we requested aid to tie the tree to the roof of my sexy 1990 Honda Accord and were told the attendant, John, could be found wandering the parking lot in his orange apron offering assistance to needy travelers. I immediately grew suspicious as to why someone would be wandering a parking lot in Everett because there would be a good chance they could get mugged or worse without wearing an orange apron. Sure enough we walked outside to find a family of four women trying to strap their new tree to the top of their van. Now this is where things get impressive. One of them had climbed through the sunroof in a skirt and heels so she could STAND on top of the car to help tie it down. This strikes me as a really bad idea or a way to have a terrible accident, get John fired, and possibly end up with a majority stake in Home Depot via a lawsuit. Neither of us wanted anything to do with standing on my roof because I don’t have or want a sunroof so I go searching for John. Lo and behold I find John hanging out with the gentleman who told me his buddy would be in the parking and I’m fairly certain they had a good line of vision of a WOMAN STANDING ON HER CAR. Also, John did not have on an apron because he had been sweeping which I still don’t quite understand. I think I’ll try that one in the office. I’m not wearing any pants because I’m photocopying so get off my back.
The tree’s securely held in place so we drive home and it strikes me my car’s beginning to pick up some of the nice pine aroma from above. Forget those little trees people hang from their rear view window that lose their scent in two days, I’m going to start driving around with a full spruce tied to the top of my car. And best of all it will probably start making the cars next to it smell nice as well. Who wouldn’t pay $25 each month to make their car smell fresh?
We finally pull up in front of the house and I run in to grab the camera so we can take pictures of our first tree together. It’s funny how certain things can be completely uninteresting to your friends and family, but they have strong significance for yourself. I mean come on, it’s a tree. After snapping some shots and cutting it loose I head inside to put the camera away before hauling it inside, but for some reason Bethany grabs it herself and starts carrying it in. This works for me u
ntil it gets caught on all her buttons and it can’t fit through the door so we very quickly have pine needles all over the place. A few quirky maneuvers later and we have the tree in the living room up in the stand. We need to wait a day for it to drop before we can start decorating, but it’s in the house and we now have our first naked Christmas tree.
After paying for our new friend we requested aid to tie the tree to the roof of my sexy 1990 Honda Accord and were told the attendant, John, could be found wandering the parking lot in his orange apron offering assistance to needy travelers. I immediately grew suspicious as to why someone would be wandering a parking lot in Everett because there would be a good chance they could get mugged or worse without wearing an orange apron. Sure enough we walked outside to find a family of four women trying to strap their new tree to the top of their van. Now this is where things get impressive. One of them had climbed through the sunroof in a skirt and heels so she could STAND on top of the car to help tie it down. This strikes me as a really bad idea or a way to have a terrible accident, get John fired, and possibly end up with a majority stake in Home Depot via a lawsuit. Neither of us wanted anything to do with standing on my roof because I don’t have or want a sunroof so I go searching for John. Lo and behold I find John hanging out with the gentleman who told me his buddy would be in the parking and I’m fairly certain they had a good line of vision of a WOMAN STANDING ON HER CAR. Also, John did not have on an apron because he had been sweeping which I still don’t quite understand. I think I’ll try that one in the office. I’m not wearing any pants because I’m photocopying so get off my back.
The tree’s securely held in place so we drive home and it strikes me my car’s beginning to pick up some of the nice pine aroma from above. Forget those little trees people hang from their rear view window that lose their scent in two days, I’m going to start driving around with a full spruce tied to the top of my car. And best of all it will probably start making the cars next to it smell nice as well. Who wouldn’t pay $25 each month to make their car smell fresh?
We finally pull up in front of the house and I run in to grab the camera so we can take pictures of our first tree together. It’s funny how certain things can be completely uninteresting to your friends and family, but they have strong significance for yourself. I mean come on, it’s a tree. After snapping some shots and cutting it loose I head inside to put the camera away before hauling it inside, but for some reason Bethany grabs it herself and starts carrying it in. This works for me u
ntil it gets caught on all her buttons and it can’t fit through the door so we very quickly have pine needles all over the place. A few quirky maneuvers later and we have the tree in the living room up in the stand. We need to wait a day for it to drop before we can start decorating, but it’s in the house and we now have our first naked Christmas tree.
1 comment:
Too bad your ceilings are so high. My dad ALWAYS gets a tree too tall for the living room, and then when we stand it up the top streaks the ceiling with sap. EVERY YEAR.
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