Another summer will be closing up shop this weekend and we hope everyone spent some quality time out in the sun over the past few weeks. We’ll be heading down to Nueva Jersey for a few days for one of the greatest parties this side of Studio 54, but here’s some ideas if you can’t come up with anything to do.
Fall TV season lurks right around the corner and I can’t think of a better way to enjoy a nice weekend than by watching every season of the Gilmore Girls while eating six tubes of cookie dough.
If the weather proved to hold up, head outside for some exercise. And by exercise I mean drive over to your favorite trail, wearing a hockey mask with nothing else, and jump out at unsuspecting people jogging alone while screaming, “Are you my mommy?” The screams for mercy will ring in your head for days. If you’re looking to jazz this one up a bit I recommend working in some urine.
Go to a party you’re not invited to. Walk around your neighborhood, find the house where everyone congregating, and go inside. After that, the rest is up to you. Hide in the corner while enjoying a few free drinks or strike up a conversation with complete strangers who may become your friends. Of course my personal favorite concerns deciding you’re the funniest person in the room by being an obnoxious ass and seeing how long it takes before the host figures out you don’t belong and asks you to leave.
Spend a day in the kitchen and teach yourself to cook a new dish. I created my famous salmon l’orange by setting the oven to 450 and preparing chicken with chocolate sauce, a jar of mayonnaise, jelly beans, cantaloupe, cheese wiz, coconut, salt, pepper, and a little mint. Allow to sit in the sun for 45 minutes, consume, and be prepared to vomit. After falling ill, you will observe what appears to have once been a dish called salmon l’orange and will then stick your head in the preheated stove because you will feel so awful you will want to die.
Decide to fill you weekly quota for your blog by writing a particularly unamusing post to buy you a few days to come up with something acceptable
Have a safe weekend!
Fall TV season lurks right around the corner and I can’t think of a better way to enjoy a nice weekend than by watching every season of the Gilmore Girls while eating six tubes of cookie dough.
If the weather proved to hold up, head outside for some exercise. And by exercise I mean drive over to your favorite trail, wearing a hockey mask with nothing else, and jump out at unsuspecting people jogging alone while screaming, “Are you my mommy?” The screams for mercy will ring in your head for days. If you’re looking to jazz this one up a bit I recommend working in some urine.
Go to a party you’re not invited to. Walk around your neighborhood, find the house where everyone congregating, and go inside. After that, the rest is up to you. Hide in the corner while enjoying a few free drinks or strike up a conversation with complete strangers who may become your friends. Of course my personal favorite concerns deciding you’re the funniest person in the room by being an obnoxious ass and seeing how long it takes before the host figures out you don’t belong and asks you to leave.
Spend a day in the kitchen and teach yourself to cook a new dish. I created my famous salmon l’orange by setting the oven to 450 and preparing chicken with chocolate sauce, a jar of mayonnaise, jelly beans, cantaloupe, cheese wiz, coconut, salt, pepper, and a little mint. Allow to sit in the sun for 45 minutes, consume, and be prepared to vomit. After falling ill, you will observe what appears to have once been a dish called salmon l’orange and will then stick your head in the preheated stove because you will feel so awful you will want to die.
Decide to fill you weekly quota for your blog by writing a particularly unamusing post to buy you a few days to come up with something acceptable
Have a safe weekend!
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